Tits & ass.

The ambition of the ego
never will be satisfied.
It is quite sad in its emptiness –
always seeking more,
but never feeling fulfilled.

It is better to be bold than too circumspect, because fortune is of a sex…

…which likes not a tardy wooer and repulses all who are not ardent.

Only the spiritual light
from our higher self
will bring nourishment
catapulting us into a state
of balance, wholeness, and peace
our soul desires.

Letting go is love. Holding on is attachment. Love without depending.

Now and then it’s good to pause in our pursuit…

Wear a rubber band on your wrist,
and gently flick it when you start obsessing on angry thoughts.

This trains your mind to associate
that type of persistent negativity with something unpleasant.

According to the dictionary,
the antonyms of idealism are reality and authenticity.

…of happiness and just be happy.

Meditation and mindfulness.

Nippon-koku!

Stop.
Take a long, deep breath in and out.
In your mind say “in” as you breathe in and “out” as you breathe out
to ground yourself in the present moment.
Then, feel the ground beneath your feet.
Notice the way your clothes feel against your skin,
the wind against your face,
the sun on your cheeks.
Listen to the birds singing,
the rain falling around you,
the ticking of a nearby clock.
The more you practice the better you will get.
The key is not giving up.

Nihon-koku!

The look this evening is Alan Hollinghurst by Tom Ford on a budget with Chinatown hipster accoutrement. (I forgive you, asshole.)

You’ve a lot of sour grapes and no common sense.
If they don’t like you, it’s your fault, not theirs.
Go where they like you, where you like it.

Protect yourself and your vision, goals, and the climb upwards
by forgiving adversity and forgetting the wrongdoers.

These actions will allow you to go to the right room
and continue to move on or make better different decisions.

Feelings are neither decisions nor choices.

I don’t mean to seem like I care about material things. Like our social stats. I just want four walls and adobe slats for my boys.

What happens to you when your identity
constantly is challenged, taunted, corrected?
You adopt an identity that is pleasing to the masses,
however, you then are thrust into a society where
the two identities – one false and one repressed – are incongruous.

It’s just when your needs aren’t met that you act unfulfilled.
When your needs are met, you actually become less displeased
and more likely to excel in different areas of life.

He’s the kind of a fella to whom nice things just happen – and he survives.

Dewey entered the stratosphere
a poor little man ready to give it his all,
and did.
Really though, by contrast, he was sui generis,
this was part of the job, neither a blessing nor a curse.
Perhaps that’s why he never looked defeated,
unlike those who wilt under the spotlight.
He was as desiring as desirous,
with the gift of a thrillingly ungentlemanly appetite.
He was a great lover of food, of course.
Yet the appetite that appeared to drive,
at times even define him,
exceeded mere food to include everything,
and his consumption of all and then some was astonishment.
Living large proved a brilliant survival strategy
as well as something of a rebuke to the limits
of culture, humanity, and society – their formulas and false morality.
He embodied the excesses of life and he transcended them.
In the end, his genius was that he gave our world
everything it wanted from him,
and he did it by refusing
to become anyone’s motherfucking martyr.

Happy camper.

Dewey was a dreadnought of glamour withholding an elegant swan.
He was a man of instincts and almost violent passions.
He wore his vices (imperious) and his virtues (ambassadorial) for all to see.
His allure was a result not of impossible recognition or even splendor.
It was an inhuman mercy.
He was humanity.
He retained all that was recognizably real.
He was a sense of humor and a gigantic heart.
He was irresistible mayhem.
He was without vanity.
He transcended whatever else he was doing, whatever that didn’t look right.
You saw him.

Getting way more than you deserve.

This is the story of a society that falls down

and while it is falling,

it repeats to itself to hearten:

Thus far it’s all right, thus far it’s all right, thus far it’s all right.

You’re an insidious inhibitor of growth,

forever unquestioning,

forever mindlessly avid and self-exonerating,

forever wed to self-righteous certainties.

You dictate.

You have to go.

Bang-boom.

Nootropics.

I don’t want an orgy in Village People + OshKosh B’gosh leather.

Dewey buys νους nous and τρέπειν trepein
at his group therapy – the backroom of the Black Party.
The smart drugs alter the availability of his brain’s supply
of neurotransmitters, enzymes, and hormones,
by improving his brain’s oxygen supply,
by stimulating nerve growth.

These memory and cognitive enhancers improve
intelligence, motivation, attention, and concentration.
Dewey now sees meaningful patterns in large amounts
of disparate information – with no side effects.
And among his brethren, he now recognizes
the alert νους nous and gorged τρέπειν trepein
expression in their eyes.

I want a family and a mortgage and a Maserati.

Witch Trials of 1692.

You are all about reciprocity.
If you are pushing harder than he is,
than it ain’t worth it.
Besides, you never want to play second to anyone.
He’s deliberately choosing him over you.
Play second fiddle to no one.
You have to close the door
because if you don’t,
you won’t be open to other possibilities.
You really believe that.
Don’t wait for no one,
not unless they put it in writing and sign a contract.

The being of the gay: A revolutionary epiphany.

There’s still a lingering belief that gay culture
is inherently extroverted (ahem),
or that there’s even a gay culture (monolith).

It may interest some that there exist gay men
who are more interested
in catching the latest movie,
enjoying a cup of coffee,
playing video games,
or catching up on their booklist.”

Lightfoot, nothing special.

“What’s his name? Anyway, what’s he like – this dude that you’re having a relationship with as you put it?”
“His name’s Thierry. What’s wrong with putting it like that?”
“You don’t have to tell me about him. It’s none of my business, anyway.”
“No, I don’t mind telling you about him. He’s, um, he’s really, direct and, uh, emotional, and sincere – everything. I mean, we’ve got this real connection between us. We never lie to each other.”
“What? Never?”
“No. Never.”
“Don’t worry. I’m not trying to embarrass you.”
“I’m not embarrassed.”
“What are you going to do, then?”
“Do?”
“For a living.”
“Write novels.”
“Does it pay well?”
“I don’t know. I haven’t actually sold any yet.”
“Oh. How are you going to provide for your family then?”
“What family?”
“Oh, the one you’ll have one day.”
“Bloody hell. Give me time.”
“Why?”
“Well, because I’m, I’m still, you know, still having relationships.”
“What, more than one?”
“Well, not simultaneously, no.”
“Anyway, marriage is a relationship.”
“Yeah, so?”
“Well, you said you were going to have relationships and then get married as if they were two different things.”
“No, I didn’t say I was going to get married.”
“Well, no, I suppose you didn’t technically, no.”
“Too bloody right, I didn’t. I’ll never get married.”
“Oh, Dewey, I think you will.”
“Why?”
“Why? You’re not original enough not to.”

Excavation time: Sour grapes’ bitter end.

Dewey has had a bit of a rough time
(well, always),
drinking issues
(now – along with steady doses of prescriptions),
has not fared as well as he thought he would,
stuck in the wilderness of his head and self-control.
This is someone who’s had great failure,
great pain and anguish.
He must get right,
but he’s clueless –
he’s no resolutions specialist about this,
and nor is anyone else for him.
He’ll never quit
(prolly),
but he’s tired, exhausted –
and the impatient marks and scars
are lack of faith, trust
and seeing our world outside-in instead of inside-out.
He’s never been able to capture that moment
he had as a socialite eons ago
(the best time of life –
like some in high school or college,
all pathetic)
and now he’s going into the terror of middle age,
so you can identify with all those things.

It’s the idea of it being halftime.
You got half left,
it forces you to look back at your life
whether you like it or not.
It can be a disappointment.
You can relate it to Dewey and his life.
Men, like Dewey, typically exercise
their masculinity through what they do.
Their sense of virility manifests itself
through work and play. Or not.
But Dewey’s not dark or bitter.
He’s not.
If he were, it would be hidden
like all the other guys are hiding it,
trying to fucking step on one another’s heads.
Those are the people who are really that way
as they’re smiling.
As opposed to someone, like Dewey,
saying it like it is.”